hey whats up people. i guess i am hanging around  this world for a lil more. anyway i havent been on in ten or so days (sorry for your loss folx). well i am trying to do the best i can with finding a job so i can have some money while school starts up again very soon. i guess i am looking forward to it, only because i do nothing with my time, all dam day. i lock myself in a room and watch the teli, no freinds, or social contact exept for a very special, dear person, but otherwise i am as apathetic, imobile, and slow as a turtle. whatever thats what depression is...a attenuation of our true mode of experssion. does anybody want to be buddies with an aloof, stoic, negative creep like me? i think i will post some of my thoughts and poetic sentiments in a few days or so, but untill then...keep in touch.

hello folks...today is a bad day so now i can vent and rant all i want. this is my first blog on this site, and dont know if ill keep this up. anyway im 27 years old, and dont know if i want to bother  hanging on. my fucking depression, and anxiety, and restless insanity is not worth it. what fucking good can i do with this shit ive inherited, yes thank you my prior generations of ancestors whove given me rotten nerves, there rotten and rusted, burned out and fried, slowly decomposing, i want to fucking spit on them all. motherfuckers, all i feel is pain, and pain, and to make matters worse ive got a hypersensitivity to all medications, and cant even take a lousy vitamin to assist me with some releif. so what now. what am i supposed to do, i cant even serve others, my brain is so unpatient and rotten to the core. well ive been thinking asbout this now for some time, i need to make at least athousand dollars which is enough for a pistol permit here in new york city, plus a descent handgun. one that wont jam, and will hopefully blow my head clean off. you see not only are gunshots the most efficient method for suicide - about 92 percent succesfull, but the root of my evil is in my head, i need to destroy my head, and never make children i will be damned if i give this to someone else. no the fucking buck stops here, i will bear the final burden of all of my family's sickness, but please god let it stop here. fucking hate, pain, despair, fuck it all fuck it all fuck it all.